uhhmm

Hey yo, it's really been a while
I never thought this blog was abandoned for almost three months
Three months can make things happens so differently in any ways



"When you’re the girl who is always there for others — you feel a lot.
You have depths within you, an ocean for a heart, and you keep falling
for people who are too scared to swim. You give and you give and you give; tearing pieces of your paper soul into the smallest of fragments just to set someone else a flame.



You hurt. My god, do you hurt.
You ache, wondering if someone will ever give you the love you so freely give to others,
wondering if there will come a time when someone asks how you are doing,
how you are coping, how you are healing.
And when that doesn’t happen, you heal yourself.
You find strength in things other than people.
You find energy in your solitude, you find hope in your daydreams.
You build yourself up, tell yourself that you don’t need anyone to save you,
that you don’t need anyone to steady your foundation. But you do.



See, sometimes the girl who is always there for everyone else, needs someone there for her.
Sometimes, the girl who smiles the biggest holds the biggest hurt.
Sometimes the girl who is always the person who wipes the tears of others,
goes home and cries lakes into the midnight hour.
Sometimes the girl who encourages everyone around her needs to be told that she is appreciated,
that she matters; sometimes she needs to be encouraged herself.
So, if you’re the girl who is always there for others, know that your heart is rare.



Know that you hold within you an ability to calm storms in people,
a beautiful gift that has relieved sore eyes and hurt minds.
Know that you give people hope,
that you inspire them by acknowledging the pieces of them most ignore,
that you make people feel wanted, that you make people feel like they have purpose.
However, also remind yourself that you are not invincible.
Your heart needs rest. You need rest.



Remind yourself that you do not need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders,
that you may not be able to save everyone, that you may not be able to heal every hurt.
Remind yourself that you deserve to take all of the energy you put out into the world and invest it back into yourself from time to time.
That you are worthy of the love you keep giving to everyone else.
Remind yourself, that you don’t always have to be strong,
that you don’t always have to be the fixer.
Remind yourself that you can be human,
that you can ask for help; that you don’t always have to be the one to save yourself

- B. Sparacino

I'm tired, just like for almost all the times 

wondering why this kind of shit happening
sometimes you told yourself not to mentioned or think too much or harder
but that doesn't really work you can't barely control what your deep inside feel of 
It may hurt, but it seems real 

Hello May

I'm the type of person who ramble a lot when i feel panic, and somethings different that shocked me

I do realize how things and circumstance have change
I'm stuck in between to be or let it to be
I go on and go on about my problems, until the strange feeling inside me die off
and I proceed to do what I was doing


I'm really blessed that there's a space for me to jot down all of my feeling, my experiences
and things I feel deep down, it makes me relief for a moment when
I get depressed all along those 'night'
nobody can tell if i'm crying, laughing, smiling, raging behind the screen while typing
I can fully express how I feel while saying what i want to


Feeling doesn't cheat or fake
If that's what you feel, it really do
I used to care a lot for the things that really didn't meant anything
even it is just a tiny problems ( maybe it's not 'used to' )
sometimes when you care, doesn't mean they care
sometimes even when you don't care, they just don't give a fuck


I feel myself like a fool, being immature in handle things
' No matter how hard things may seem, there's always something good coming around the corner'
That is it. for the very last time ( for myself )
stop caring for the people that don't deserved
stop let them make your day down
you gonna live all by yourself because
what had happen is depend on how you react to it
Things will really get complicated, but things will get better


Here comes the new month of 2016, hello May
I wish it will be better than the previous
I wish I'll be a better person
I wish I could learn something in this month
and final wish is I hope all the people that I care stay healthy and happy always

Nonsense

Do.you ever feel those kind of nonsense things when you just don't want to get it
Its quite annoying and yet
You can't barely avoid it

Life is tough ,  it never been so easy though
Days after days,  tick tok tick tok
It's March,  already
Do things really change so easily?
That kind of easy that make some kind of relationship from the best ass to suck ass.

All I want to say is - fuxk off bad ass

I got a call
I heard something
And I start to think, do I really need to do this?
I'm not that person who give a fuxk to what I hate
I think this is my true personality that reflected in life
but there's is always another side that hidden inside - to tell you what you should/ have to  do

And this made my day suckks
My mood was gone
I'm struggling all over in my head
That is no win or lose , true or false

Hate is hate , like is like
No judge, no talk , no gossip,  be true
That's what I need or what I will do?

I hope I won't lost myself
I hope I won't be that person who follow what people think you should behave
I hope I insist my choice
I hope someone who really know me well
I hope I can be what I want to be
I hope I can do what I want to (although I really know that are not a best solution)

任性一会 又能怎样
如果生活不用考虑种种前因后果
那该有多好
想说就说 想骂就骂
不用那么幸苦 委屈自己
那多好 多好。

birthday month plus trip month

I was going to post this right after my birthday celebration that night
though it was far far far far for already one month late
but I still get up from bed and finally have the times and mood to update my blog


Basically, I'm officially 20th
Yeapppp, 20th bitch had arrived this year
Have to say I'm feeling older but more appreciate that start to step in the '2x' year


I think this is the first year I didn't celebrate with my family
got so many ' coursework' to do in tat shitty uni but am really enjoy this
okayy, I am really so contradicting

Actually, I was not expecting so much more than what they had done
It was a failure surprise but yet it really touched me
thank for my shabai group, they really worked hard and planned well
no one to blame but me - am too super sensitive when the date is coming
Big big kiss to my weiwei xiao jie that planned everything and bring me to eat 'good food'


For my best ever jimui shabi feimui , thank you !
thank you for purposely coming down to just watch my face and offer a meal
I'm lucky enough to meet you and to know you
although you always act like a shitty bitch, but you also act like a sistar-listener every time
thanks you for always appear immediately when i need someone beside or someone to talk to


soooo that's my memorable birthday day in this year


So on, i am still a busy student who always rushing assignment without limit
time was flying - I always hate time that because it never seems enough for me
and yet, skip the chinese new year part
I went back to school on 'chu five'

start to prepare everything that needed before going to sekeping serendah trip
The difference between being a student and being a leader student is big
I never want to be responsible to some thing and some people since after primary school
But incident always happen larh

like I became one of the group leader in this trip
and what we know were- there were so many things to prepare and also
be on time , be responsible to lecturer and classmates- carry on

At the end, this was not bad
I feelllll so , maybe ?
This three days two nights trip was exhausting , fascinating, tiring, and existing
most important parts was- we get to know more about our lecturers
all those midnight chit chat girls talk, ghost talk, was amazing
pretty tiring when you got to finish your drawing for the next morning presentation
when lecturers - they are sitting there , seeing us and talking with us


The trip are cool, lecturers are cool
just the accident was not cool at all
we hit a car crash on our way back to uni after a lunch
four cars bang together
and imagine how terrible it was
my heart at that time beat like helll
can't imagine if anyone get hurt or whatt

Feeling of guilty never stop till now
but feel blessed that my mum is okay with this
and others were safe- really



friends are more like a chain that will link you
with happiness , with sadness, with anger and with comfort
The more you been together, the more you know each other
sometimes quarrel happens, sometimes you just hate this
I duno, but it seems problems never stop when it appear
just tired and fatigued
have no ideas and not going to involve in such things again
maybe I just have to used to it
and time always a healer - it heal everything in the end


love ya , xx
super hungry right now
i wan sleep