Hug me august

Hey! still an odd opening for every time I start to write a post
So it is AUGUST already
Can't blame the times that slip out too fast
it's the matter that what we think about - we are out of times
Have I said that I'm starting a new semester right now ?
Uhmmm i guess nope . Yeah well, i am in year 2 sem 1 for now
This is not an easy job and easy things to deal with but
here I go, successfully passed all the subjects of last sem

Many seniors told that Sem 3 is a hard beginning
It's a new stage or step that I can call of
maybe we will touch or engage with kind of new/ weird things
But I just conclude it as a 'tough' Sem !
There's only two words i gave to myself - Be Ready

其实我觉得人与人之间都需要一点自己的空间
无论是多么要好的朋友
相处久了 摩擦一定会产生
而那只会导致越来越多的误会

I got a really bad tempered attitude sometimes
There's a big problems study in atchitecture - grouping
I can tell you the truth - your whole group assignments will screw
if you are so unlucky that grouping with some people
They are many types of sxxk person - lazy dude, later dude, invisible dude and most important
FOREIGNER

I feel blessed
maybe last semester my luck was totally suck
so this semester I got a normal team/ group
not to say any bad words about others
but sometimes I rather be grouping with my friend than my best friends
Argue will always happen when there's a group work
so it's more good to split it out

There's a thing here
------------------------------
I speechless for ard five minutes because I don't know how to write it out
my currently feeling and condition
One side is my best friend and the other side is the effectiveness
For me, I really want to group with other ppl that I never try
But I also considered that she need my support this time
I can;t just leave her there and enjoy my own
So, I really struggle - but it's okay
Everything is done and fine  I just need some times to get over - that's it !

uhhmm

Hey yo, it's really been a while
I never thought this blog was abandoned for almost three months
Three months can make things happens so differently in any ways



"When you’re the girl who is always there for others — you feel a lot.
You have depths within you, an ocean for a heart, and you keep falling
for people who are too scared to swim. You give and you give and you give; tearing pieces of your paper soul into the smallest of fragments just to set someone else a flame.



You hurt. My god, do you hurt.
You ache, wondering if someone will ever give you the love you so freely give to others,
wondering if there will come a time when someone asks how you are doing,
how you are coping, how you are healing.
And when that doesn’t happen, you heal yourself.
You find strength in things other than people.
You find energy in your solitude, you find hope in your daydreams.
You build yourself up, tell yourself that you don’t need anyone to save you,
that you don’t need anyone to steady your foundation. But you do.



See, sometimes the girl who is always there for everyone else, needs someone there for her.
Sometimes, the girl who smiles the biggest holds the biggest hurt.
Sometimes the girl who is always the person who wipes the tears of others,
goes home and cries lakes into the midnight hour.
Sometimes the girl who encourages everyone around her needs to be told that she is appreciated,
that she matters; sometimes she needs to be encouraged herself.
So, if you’re the girl who is always there for others, know that your heart is rare.



Know that you hold within you an ability to calm storms in people,
a beautiful gift that has relieved sore eyes and hurt minds.
Know that you give people hope,
that you inspire them by acknowledging the pieces of them most ignore,
that you make people feel wanted, that you make people feel like they have purpose.
However, also remind yourself that you are not invincible.
Your heart needs rest. You need rest.



Remind yourself that you do not need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders,
that you may not be able to save everyone, that you may not be able to heal every hurt.
Remind yourself that you deserve to take all of the energy you put out into the world and invest it back into yourself from time to time.
That you are worthy of the love you keep giving to everyone else.
Remind yourself, that you don’t always have to be strong,
that you don’t always have to be the fixer.
Remind yourself that you can be human,
that you can ask for help; that you don’t always have to be the one to save yourself

- B. Sparacino

I'm tired, just like for almost all the times 

wondering why this kind of shit happening
sometimes you told yourself not to mentioned or think too much or harder
but that doesn't really work you can't barely control what your deep inside feel of 
It may hurt, but it seems real 

Hello May

I'm the type of person who ramble a lot when i feel panic, and somethings different that shocked me

I do realize how things and circumstance have change
I'm stuck in between to be or let it to be
I go on and go on about my problems, until the strange feeling inside me die off
and I proceed to do what I was doing


I'm really blessed that there's a space for me to jot down all of my feeling, my experiences
and things I feel deep down, it makes me relief for a moment when
I get depressed all along those 'night'
nobody can tell if i'm crying, laughing, smiling, raging behind the screen while typing
I can fully express how I feel while saying what i want to


Feeling doesn't cheat or fake
If that's what you feel, it really do
I used to care a lot for the things that really didn't meant anything
even it is just a tiny problems ( maybe it's not 'used to' )
sometimes when you care, doesn't mean they care
sometimes even when you don't care, they just don't give a fuck


I feel myself like a fool, being immature in handle things
' No matter how hard things may seem, there's always something good coming around the corner'
That is it. for the very last time ( for myself )
stop caring for the people that don't deserved
stop let them make your day down
you gonna live all by yourself because
what had happen is depend on how you react to it
Things will really get complicated, but things will get better


Here comes the new month of 2016, hello May
I wish it will be better than the previous
I wish I'll be a better person
I wish I could learn something in this month
and final wish is I hope all the people that I care stay healthy and happy always

Nonsense

Do.you ever feel those kind of nonsense things when you just don't want to get it
Its quite annoying and yet
You can't barely avoid it

Life is tough ,  it never been so easy though
Days after days,  tick tok tick tok
It's March,  already
Do things really change so easily?
That kind of easy that make some kind of relationship from the best ass to suck ass.

All I want to say is - fuxk off bad ass

I got a call
I heard something
And I start to think, do I really need to do this?
I'm not that person who give a fuxk to what I hate
I think this is my true personality that reflected in life
but there's is always another side that hidden inside - to tell you what you should/ have to  do

And this made my day suckks
My mood was gone
I'm struggling all over in my head
That is no win or lose , true or false

Hate is hate , like is like
No judge, no talk , no gossip,  be true
That's what I need or what I will do?

I hope I won't lost myself
I hope I won't be that person who follow what people think you should behave
I hope I insist my choice
I hope someone who really know me well
I hope I can be what I want to be
I hope I can do what I want to (although I really know that are not a best solution)

任性一会 又能怎样
如果生活不用考虑种种前因后果
那该有多好
想说就说 想骂就骂
不用那么幸苦 委屈自己
那多好 多好。

birthday month plus trip month

I was going to post this right after my birthday celebration that night
though it was far far far far for already one month late
but I still get up from bed and finally have the times and mood to update my blog


Basically, I'm officially 20th
Yeapppp, 20th bitch had arrived this year
Have to say I'm feeling older but more appreciate that start to step in the '2x' year


I think this is the first year I didn't celebrate with my family
got so many ' coursework' to do in tat shitty uni but am really enjoy this
okayy, I am really so contradicting

Actually, I was not expecting so much more than what they had done
It was a failure surprise but yet it really touched me
thank for my shabai group, they really worked hard and planned well
no one to blame but me - am too super sensitive when the date is coming
Big big kiss to my weiwei xiao jie that planned everything and bring me to eat 'good food'


For my best ever jimui shabi feimui , thank you !
thank you for purposely coming down to just watch my face and offer a meal
I'm lucky enough to meet you and to know you
although you always act like a shitty bitch, but you also act like a sistar-listener every time
thanks you for always appear immediately when i need someone beside or someone to talk to


soooo that's my memorable birthday day in this year


So on, i am still a busy student who always rushing assignment without limit
time was flying - I always hate time that because it never seems enough for me
and yet, skip the chinese new year part
I went back to school on 'chu five'

start to prepare everything that needed before going to sekeping serendah trip
The difference between being a student and being a leader student is big
I never want to be responsible to some thing and some people since after primary school
But incident always happen larh

like I became one of the group leader in this trip
and what we know were- there were so many things to prepare and also
be on time , be responsible to lecturer and classmates- carry on

At the end, this was not bad
I feelllll so , maybe ?
This three days two nights trip was exhausting , fascinating, tiring, and existing
most important parts was- we get to know more about our lecturers
all those midnight chit chat girls talk, ghost talk, was amazing
pretty tiring when you got to finish your drawing for the next morning presentation
when lecturers - they are sitting there , seeing us and talking with us


The trip are cool, lecturers are cool
just the accident was not cool at all
we hit a car crash on our way back to uni after a lunch
four cars bang together
and imagine how terrible it was
my heart at that time beat like helll
can't imagine if anyone get hurt or whatt

Feeling of guilty never stop till now
but feel blessed that my mum is okay with this
and others were safe- really



friends are more like a chain that will link you
with happiness , with sadness, with anger and with comfort
The more you been together, the more you know each other
sometimes quarrel happens, sometimes you just hate this
I duno, but it seems problems never stop when it appear
just tired and fatigued
have no ideas and not going to involve in such things again
maybe I just have to used to it
and time always a healer - it heal everything in the end


love ya , xx
super hungry right now
i wan sleep

Hate is love whatever oh

Everything is fine.  People is fine,  things are fine,  just me was  not me again

Recently I realised how important money is
Oh, you can't get what you need without money
You can't buy what you should have
You can't think of something that might be  your favourite one?

I got my salary on last day of two thousand zero five
Maybe some one will have an image of me like
I'm the one who don't even care and use it without hesitation 
but I do admit, sometimes I am
But I had try to learn, to control my limit as I'm studying at kl
It is a temptaness for me

And I got to know
How hard and tire to work 24/7 to get these salary in a month
Barely wanna die right , huhhhhh

Since you can't get what you want, and why you don't push it harder

Now I am, started my semester two and here I am
Busy preparing everything for my assignment every night or midnight
Life is so so so like every seconds you got to live it with ur heartbeat that is beating fascinating until the end of it

Boom away all the unhappiness
Swap away all the sadness
Curved out all the tiredness
Plug in all the craziness

I cried today
When I'm ready for my damn first time presentation
Uhhuhhh. You know that
Tears drop over again when the pain just came soooo suddenly
Fuvk offff. Cheers
I hate it
nothing to blame but am gonna leave this alone
Maybe some day it will stop these crazy acting
And I'm waiting for this day
Ohnana

And I got to say
Eveytimes I cried and I got my mum in my head
and so did dad
this is weird famIly bonding
I miss you dad, do you?
May God bless us each day
when we wake up from bed

Love ya. Xxx

2016

Time has been flying by unconsciously from the beginning of the year.
from now on, 2015 was a past
Actually , this post had been in the draft for almost three days
I wrote down some part and delete some and put it in draft and drag out rewrite again
And I always think of it - when will I post this on my blog ? No idea

So I got a mood for today  , to sit down and open my laptop
trying to convert my thought and feelings into words and sentences
becuz i guess today is the perfect day that better than any day

In 2015, I learnt a lot
It was just like the other years, I loved and I lost, I cried and I laughed
I knew I'd been writing too many emotional post in this year
But I'm glad I wrote it down (anyway past is the past )
I still have a lot to learn in being a better friend, family or a crew
I get my result during mine working time and that was the first time I thought that
I wont't have any regret for the decision I had made in my education
That was a pretty fresh memory
I learnt that having a plan is better and more convenient in your daily life
I learnt that sometimes you just have to let go, if it is meant to be, it will always be
I learnt that sometimes people change, to be good or bad
I learnt to enjoy everything in the moment whether it is worth or not

In 2015, I had met a lot of new people, built new relationships
And stayed close with the existing ones
Feel so thankful for those who never left
I'm also glad for those who came into my life
Thank you for making 2015 a memorable and sweet year for me
I celebrated end of 2015 and beginning of 2016 with my bunch of shabai friends
although some were not able to came over, but our hearts will never separate apart
Love you all !


There are two things I need to recall in 2015
- get a 12 hours work per day in December ( BBW Book Fair )
That was the biggest step I'd move
we worked in the Mines mega mall And I stayed in my friend's house
Good experience in my life
although suffer all along the weeks but it was fun and cheerful during the times
Get to met so many people from different places and different university
They taught me a lot , like really a lot HAHA


And the second was ( Big brother's wedding )
It was the very first wedding  in our family
My cousin finally get to marry his lovely wife
So many things to prepare and so many things to learn
----------------------------------------------------------------

Just flip on , Here I wish
everyone a prosperous and healthy 2016
May all of your dream come true
Lots of love 💕💕💕
love ya, xxx