Hi november

To all my fellow classmates, Happy happy happy Holiday guys !!! Like finally, it's our sem break 

I just feeeeeel so happy that we been through all these ( six months ) four months together. 

Blessed to meet all of them in my life 

I always hope degree year will be a more particular life, but i never aspects it will so much different

It is so much different that you need to burn your midnight oil everyday 

It is so much different that you do you dont have to bring any paper works while attend class

It is so much different that you get used to it for just having few hours sleeping times in a week

It is so much different that you use a cutter more than a pen 

其实我真的很害怕以后有一天会后悔自己所选择的决定

我知道自己就是死脑筋 决定好的事情就说一不二

我不知道曾几何时就有这个念头 这种感觉来的太突然 

还记得小学的志愿是当个会计师 当模特儿 当空姐 

上了中学就想说当个服装设计师吧 画家啊 或者音乐家

可是最后我选择了建筑策划师

很多人都对我说这一科不容易读 而且时间也久

不知某年某日你才真正当一名xxx 

可我已经选择往这条路走下去  那当然不会再往回倒

My mum always remind me dun forget to be confident 

It is a power/energy that keep you continue to walk 

but things dun always stay to be good 

that was some times you will lose confident to yourself 

you will scare you cant pass your final exam at the end 

you will scare your project will reject by lecturer

you will scare that you will let your mum down. 

I know is normal that people feel confused sometimes 

like we will afraid things will fall down apart that really hurt you badly

谁没有害怕过？ 谁没有迷失过 

就像当你认为你已经付出了100 巴仙的努力 可是结果却让你大受打击 

那种感受并不好受 

可哭的当时你又得告诉自己 哭过后又得继续努力 继续奋斗 这样才不会被打败 

那时候你就会觉得  对啊  这就是现实啊 没有所谓的踏步青云 

还记得那时候赶着final 的internal review 

我把我手指头的一片肉差不多就要割下来了 血都流了满地

朋友问我 伤口那么深 不痛吗 你都没哭呢  

那真是他妈的痛啊 我也想哭啊  眼泪都在眼眶里打搅着

可我知道这不是家里啊  这里没妈妈没姐姐帮你  凡事都得靠自己

还是把那所谓的眼泪收收吧 你还得继续赶final

其实那时候真的想狠狠的哭一场 躲进棉被里好好睡一觉啊

如果说在学业上有那么一点点的小打击 

但我可以说在生活上有大大的惊喜与激动 

上了degree 让我接触了很多不一样的东西 

不一样的人和事  不一样的沟通和学习 

自认自己以前是个宅女 

不出门 不交际 只呆家 只打机 只看小说 只依赖家人 

我觉得这是一种成长 就好比如你一直拒绝任何事（大多数）到慢慢的尝试接受

foundation life was like a quiet period that i'd been through

i was like a good student that on time eat, sleep , and study

never had a thought to go outside never wanted to participate any activities

never wanted to touch any things that I thought i had no interest on 

I think maybe we are in a right timing and in a right place 

to meet someone that are meant to be appear in our life

It's not that foundation year was not that good 

maybe because I had been through that year 

the year that let me scent that this year is more brilliant than the last

people always need to live more good and good than before

more step forward to the precious one in their life. 

and then you will realize that life izint how big you had see it

life is more and more 

 I know sometimes people see it in their own way 

and people meant it in so much different way

because different people have different perception

we dun aspect people to see it in our way

we just need to share it ( sharing mean caring )

Just want to officially say a goodbye to my pet - kiki 

He passed away at end of September

I didnt had the chance to say goodbye and rip to him 

I was not by his side when he was so ill and sick 

I miss him a lot 

and I cried badly when I heard from mum that he gone that day 

He is not the first hamster that i got but he is the most precious one in my heart

I like white , things or living things that have white colour I love it with no reason 

He was so adorable and sweet that make people wanna tresure and love him with full of heart

We been together for almost two years 

Never regret to have you in my life ( secretly bought him when parents opposed me to have a pet )

So im gonna stop here ----- again  

got to fetch my sister back melaka tomorrow morning

gonna go sleep  sweet dream

love ya  xxx

Diary : 11/9

How y'all doing ?
Erg ...... Ugh...... owhhhhhhh
Okayyyyyy, just some times to warm up
before really writing any nonsense words here
I just noticed there are so many drafts that I'd in my blog
some with meaning and some - meaningless


when you try to write somethings, it takes time
what you gonna to say , you write it down
and then you delete and retype and delete and retype...
that's what im doing right now
I always got so many things to tell
I feel like I need to tell someone what i'm thinking, what i'm feeling ?
I was like: maybe i should tell them/him/her
Why shouldn't I ?
and when the time that I wanna split it out
and I was like :::  SHit ... why am i suppose to tell others about my feeling ?
I rather be keeping it inside than spoke to someone - even the closest


Well , I spoke to her sometimes. or (often)
I feel secure when beside her and the most important thing is
I feel warm and happiness
It's just too normal to be with her
spending times with someone you really trust or love or like
just likes spending the whole entire times within
and you doesn't care how's the times going


So, I want to blog about my August since it is Sep now
I stumbled across my old pictures
There are full with memories and joyful
I could see my smiling face all over the pictures
 i was shocked and i was like:
How could you possible act like this, smile like this and pass through these days like this

I got a bunch of lovely classmates
they come from different places but all full with one desperate heart
It feels really amazing how we are going through with a same path
and how lucky we are to meet each others
i called these as fate

No matter how hard things gonna be
erm, just keep doing  what you do
I oweys think shitty things when im doing nothing
It's a bad habit
but this is who i am right ?
there is no hundred percent people in this world
so why cant you be proud of what you are ?
These things make what you really are
your own personality
Hundred percent original


Kekekekekekeke
Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I'm talking (typing) too much
wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
i gone through shitty things these daysssssssssssss
but i guess dah over
Those shiiiiityyyy things make you more tougher than before
more stronger? Hmm
I miss my mum
so suddenly \
and i guess she miss me more than that
I'm home
it feels really good



love ya
xxx

2015/8/12

Gosh.... see the clock on the table and i was like
I still can't sleep .
the clock is ticking , and so am I
they are sleeping soundly , and so am I sitting here writing my blog

I do feel fear sometimes
when it came around over the midnight
likes it popping and beating in your minOd
reminding you  some things that you never want to recall agn

I got my time twisted
work at night and sleep at morning
My time was full with assignment , model, and drawing
It's pretty sure what i'm enjoying what i'm doing
but sometimes, i'm still doubting whether
am I choosing the right path

Am I suppose to be here
for anything that happen now
Im doubting, questioning and scared
sometimes.

That feeling just like a flash light
It appears at a moment and it disappear very soon

People need to be strong, tough enough
That's what im thinking all the time
think and Do is a different things
It's easy to think and it's hard to perceive

Don't ever beat by the failure
be tough enough to stand up and said
I'm still fine, I'm still ok to keep going

so awkward to be so encouraging haha
I think is time for the bed time.

see ya,
xxx

其实知道自己很久没用华语打字
突然间写回，莫名有点怪怪的感觉

今天纯粹上来发泄
太多废话想说 可是无从下手

开课已经一个月了
从无发适应到渐渐习惯是一种可怕的事情
当你认为自己没法做到的时候
时间帮你证明了一切

每一天的熬夜
都在redoredoredo
每一天的赶夜车
都能感觉到一点点的进步

与人相处是需要耐性和忍让
我不知dao
我只知道 能认识是一种缘分
我遇见你，便投缘，虽然相处时间不长
但那种感觉实实在在
喜欢就喜欢 不喜欢便罢

合不来 不强求
你不爽我 你不喜欢我
干我什么事
我没有太多宇宙时间去理你

人说变就变
真的让人觉得恐怖
没有想过的结果能让人措手不及
怪自己 不乖别人

nima 真的觉得好恶心
受不了了 虚伪的你
滚远点吧 孩子

Diary 15/7

It's been few days I didn't get a proper sleep since my class started
YUP, i'm already in degree, sem 1
I always expect these kind of days come faster becuz im gonna rot in ma own home


July is my favorite month this year.
I duno the reason, but it's just the feeling that I am so fascinating on it
A proper month and a proper things to do

I haven finish my assignment yet
There are so many things to work on
Drawing painting sketching drafting anywhere
kind of my stuff i used to do ,but no doubt
It's so fcking tire and stressing

I mean, It is just the first semester im taking
and how quick we get in the process so much faster than others
seniors advises -- all you got to do is
Drawing-- Redo --- drawing -- redo -- eat-- drawing
barely have the time to sleep

I feel so blessing
As I know, lecturers are not going to give us any tips ( not the exam)
Just the projects that they had told
how the instruction that need to follow, but is not kinda of that flow
There're just rotating from this angle to that angle
you need to be creative , Man

So, seniors always the best
they give us advise, bring us on
lead us to the way that it should be

trying to imagine that drawing four things with different techniques
choose one things that you mostly wanted
learn the element and principles in it and convey them to others object/things that got these
It it just toooooo heavy


still trying to adapt the new environment in here
everything is fine here
clean, beauty, quiet place that i'm staying
there is a serious problem in north wing --
less food stall and shop around the corner
you need to walk so much further to get those 'food'



I'm still in love with this course
although there are so many people complain about it
how hard it should be , how pressure it should be
but what i'm thinking is
gotta enjoy your years and stay and works and
those achievements are just gonna make you feel so satisfy
life is so short--------------- enjoys it while you still can

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Like I always said, times flies.
It just been 13 years since my dad passed away
so many things to say, so many things to do
and turn out to how much i miss him


My dad left me when i was six
imagine that time of me , I probably dunno what had happened to my dad
what i knew was, he slept deeply  and wont wake up again
In my memory, my dad was very tall he had a wide shoulder
who always carry us on it when he is back from work
He got a bit serious but oweys showed the other ways of love to us


I never had a chance to say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
when we was young, my grandma call us to write a letter and burnt it
she said your dad in the other side will receive it
look how young we were, and how naive we were


I doesn't dream about my dad often
my sister was.
i know is becuz im still too young to remember and review all those memories
there are just bits and piece came to my mind
we got many photos , about my dad
our family and the most profound is he hold me and my cousins in hand
with a greatly pleasure and lovable smile.
how sweet is it


with special love to my dad , all i want to say is
Hey dad, im your little daughter , i miss you
I'm not a kid anymore, I'd grew out to be a lass
there is still two years for me to be an adult
but no matter how old i'd become , i'm still your lovely daughter
just like you'd told me
I'm good, we are good .... mum , sister and me

somehow in some midnight, memories oweys pop up unconsciously
I'm emotionally attached  to those circumstance that recall you
It‘s hard to restraint when you know someone had left you forever
you never got a chance to see him , touch him, or feel him again
bu i always talk to myself. yeah, it's okay
after cried, everything will be fine because I still got mum and sis beside me
I missed those times that get to call you dad
It felt weird when you get to know people had a complete family but you don't
you need to act normal , pretend that's fine .
but i had let it down, becuz times is the best cure


In life i loved you dearly,
In death i love you still
In my heart you hold a place
no one else can fill

Thinking of you, today and everyday
your lovely daughter
xxx

Dairy 13-6

It's 6pm already. I need to finish this before going out having dinner with family again.
So, I have to tell that mine June holiday was/is really suck. At all
Like, really suck it, oh gosh!
You know, I've planned all these things and they normally don't go the way you think
I get hives in the very first day of June with my period
they came together and totally freak me off
I rather have pain than the itchy feeling but the worst is they both just exist
count for today, it's ald 13 days.
I know it sounds crazy but yeah, a person (me) get hives for almost two weeks
My family keep saying that : Are you an abnormal people? bcuz you look like soo weak
I have no idea .
New scars are everywhere on my body   *sigh*
My face looks pale But it's disappointed that I din slim down

Girls always want to get as skinny as they can 

Hahaha 

HMm, i heard someone  talked about how distance kills a  relationship 

They said timing is crucial, is that real or what 

Things often get messed up, time gets messed up.

You meet someone and you both are good together 

Someone comes along but This someone is never meant for you, like never meant to be with you

Its totally falls to fate and destiny 

Well, this is definitely what I'm thinking only 

Whether is true or not,  there is no offense 

I know a couple, they have been together for almost seven years 

But it ends up as break up 

The girl met another guy and they are going to step into marriage 

Like hey, although they been tgt for so long but he is not her true love?  I guess 

You really like him or her, but you know you both will never be together 

It doesn't mean that you don't like him or her 

it doesn't mean that the  love between you two is not strong enough to break through obstacle 

Hmm, it just doesn't work This way 

I know I'm probably too young to say all about this 

I'm still confuse 

I just wish I'm Lucky enough to share about the love of my life one day 

Random again

I'm startIng to  find out that everytime I touch my blog, it's always gonna lead to bad mood + memories. 

I dunno Why, Maybe When you feeling freaking pass out or Moody, here always the best place  for you to write out what you really want to say. 

My baebe hamster passed away few days ago
I know the time will come But I din expected it comes so fast.  She lived with us for almost two years and a half.  I feel sad and sorry and the things I could do was buried her and said Rip.
She was so sweet that bring us the happiness .
She was so small that make us wanted to hug her forever in arm.
She was so weak after and struggled all these week.
She was a sweet angel and Still counting for me

the world is Still rotating but people change.
since When we dun talk to  each other
Since When we dun chat to each other
And since when we dun contact each other
I feel the distance and yeah.
These thing always happen

Today, chewan and me went for swimming
She want me to teach her how to swim and I
Not completely really know-how to *shy*
It's been so long after pmr.
Finally I back to swimming life again.
Gonna take care of my skin carefully becuz I dunwan back to the black skin of me again
It's so funny When I am in black skin
Totally loom like a smuft.

Love ya,  xx

oh so random

Hello guys, finally it is first of may already .
I just thought that I can't even manage to catch the tail of time again
there just flew away so much faster than i thought

actually i dun really know what to write but kinda has a feeling to update my blog
because i had nothing to do at home , except playing my online game
and it is not good for me becuz my mum always purposely dont like it
i should read all my novel that i bought last week and pay fully concentration on my 'weight lost'
been confuse by my cousin and now im totally indulge in the game
they all know i'm the one with 'half boiled heat'
after one week later and count for today, I had no mood to continue playing again


I know i should restraint myself or otherwise these whole holidays will be a waste.


Talk about April holidays, we have two days trip in melaka
well , although it's not what we planned before but Yeah
I had a great trip , feel totally crazy again
got back the feeling that already lost after high school graduation
just so much thankiu for the boys that willing to accompanied us all the days

was just wanted to post pictures but suddenly crap and broken . ' what a waste'


before I write this post, I read again and again other blogger's post
and i feel like , wow
there are so less people who is still continue their blogging life.
especially those high school friends


Miss all the moments that we jot down the things that had happen and those memories
and seriously I really dun wan to grow up .
I want to be a kid always , free from anything
Free from pressure
free from argue
free from hypocritical
free from upset
free from time ( always think time is not enough )


I know i should think more positive
but i just feel there is so much different compare to where we from


I was happy all whole day, i get up early jogging with mum
take a shower and rush for work.
patiently treat and teach all the kids
back to home to take a nap
at night, i was totally different from morning
i was grumpy , i was negative
and i think too much that is just not so good at all
i feel helpless and nothing can i do


I am weird . hate it 99
I don't know.
But then again, I would question myself how much effort have I really put ?
Don't think too much and treat the world like there is always a hope for you

this moment

Ain't nobody know you so deep that you know yourself.
Sometimes people always tell others like : ‘ Hey, I know this guy very well'
Is it really true?
Maybe you know how he/she the way he/she do, know he/she daily life action
but deep down their heart, there is always a private space for themselves
I guess is true.

I always hope a friendship will long lasting forever, like fo-ever
Nothing can beat this friendship , like there's a strong bonding between


I never meant to make more friends as others cuz i'm an introvert person
I barely could just sit aside and watch guys talk themselves
I don't mind to be ignore , and actually I enjoy it
Sometimes people talk to me , ' You look totally different when truly know you' blablabla
This kind of words actually exhilarate me , totally .. Ha

When i care something, I really care about it
I'll do what is the best for it becuz I enjoy doing it
I appreciate everything that happen between this relationship and never meant to lost it

Kinda of days like, i'm in my own excitement
this really happens and i feel im the one who care too much
and me, myself feel vexed all these times
am i too over reacted or did i think too much
no ideas at all
im sick of it

everyone is different
do not expect others to think what you are thinking
maybe the things you treat it like precious is the one that people dont even give a shit
you treasure this friendship  you think you are one of it and
sometimes you dont even know that there are no space for you already
they have their own circle own social circle own friendship circle
dont expect too much  it hurts you really bad when you fall deeply down
becuz it's just don't work that way


'You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everone has the same heart as you'

expectation kill everything  that's right
this is how i feel right now . i duno what will i feel the next morning but this moment
i feel bad, really really bad.
is time to go bed , goodnight
love ya, xx

Say hello to my holiday

Say Hi again..  I'm finally back from my busy uni life and homework + exam.

So Today, I'd finish my final exam and starting my holidays ~~~ been busy packing all the stuff and clothes into my luggage because I ammmm gonna move out from my hostel.
It's been a year, If I say that not gonna miss here - This is all just a lie, Haha.  I miss all those things that happened here, people I met, days we been through, and how we talk east talk west about everything. There're all just so sweet and memorable.

I'm Still bother about where should I stay When I move to north wings.  *sigh*
Apparently, I want to live outside becuz it's more free and more cheap than hostel ever again. No lie ** But in the other side, I struggle a lot and I feel like Maybe hostel is more suitable for me?  No idea
My mum is the one who completely dislike, reject, and donwan me to stay outside.  Too many reasons that make me feel like
* Maybe I shouldn't stay outside ,should stay in hostel *  am completely compelled

I want to make my own choice, you know. Those kind of things.  When you make a decision, sure that you hope your closely  one will stand by your side and gib you any advice you need .

These things just not gonna happen on me ..

I know my family just worry about me , they want me to be safe, stay away from dangerous.
But i just cant stop thinking that, why wont you just let me try for one time? Maybe that will be fine, everything is just be alright  . No robbery, no rappers, no pick pocket . I'll make sure to keep myself safe

Anyway, yeah ! Everything will be OK
Mum always the best, mum always correct  haha
She gb the best thing for me . Not for own sake

And how's my life going , i think there was something came up without my consciousness.
It's been a messy and busy month.
No phone, no call, no text , just photo !

2015 first post

So,  I had change my background of my blog yesterday?  I guess.  Make it simple and clean.
Since When my favourite colour had changed from purple pink to white and black?  I had no idea.
But, red is the one that attract me the most. No doubt

Erm,  I just want to say that, I'm officially nineteen.
Clap clap for Myself,  big girl already. As normal, am not very excited for my birthday that day But I get some surprise from my friends. Touched and touched.  Feeling blessed that having such gang of friends with you guys and importantly, My family!
I got a big Beauty cake from mama. And some painting equipment from sister.  ~~~~ words can't described how I felt.

Had one week  holiday becuz of Chinese new year, did not enjoy it very well.  Lol.
Got midterm exam When back from home and now I am burning midnight oil to finish all those  subjects.  And ya,  This is my last semester of foundation and I got two months holidays. So we already start planning where we want to go, what place are better and which one is more interesting.  Hope I got a memorable days with my friends before we separate apart.! 

In 2015, I think I got many things to do.  Seriously
When you are getting older, you'll become mature and you want more and more.  So I am
Not going to chase those comic / novels again because you need to blow your mind and study all those words that irritating you.  Actually I don't like history nor psychology and even oral communication.  They just, not interesting at all.
I'm really feel grateful to my bro that always cheer me up and send those gambateh words that write from his friends, haha. It look stupid but quiet touched

Am keep remember that my relative always ask me whether I got a boyfriend ald or not?  The answer is : Noooo. Hahahaa.
Well, the things I want to say is,, I Still haven meet someone that very attract me a lot? Cuz I'm very picky in This stuff????  Okay, no answer and dunwan to know.  Friends are all getting in relationship and they're just gonna ask you:  eh ting, Still didn't have boyfriend yet?  So old le loh
I just feel.  ...... and really duno how to say, hahaha
I know When it is time,  it will come . No need so harsh and im just gonna enjoy This moment,  single time anyway.

Totally want to slim all the day and my mind is bursting. Am i a optimiatic or pessimistic?

Ps:  During sembreak,  I want to find a job and experience what is the feeling of being working with outsiders.  Blush blush, I totally lazy to But everyone need to try new things not?  Convince myself ing lol.  Byeeee. Love ya

Hmm?

I write this post is to remind the future of myself whenever i going through tough and feel down again.

I know im kind that people that always think too much and make myself frustrating. All the time.
Life always go ups and downs, you never know what is going on in the next day. So, cherish all the days and nights you going through.

Don't ever hate yourself , be confident as always although people are not 100% perfect at all. You need to smile in every single inch of your life although I know you are not that kind of ppl. But, try get rid of it becuz all of this will become more simple and easy when you try and learn and change. Let go of the things that make you unhappy. I know it's hard but i promise you will feel a whole lot lighter on your shoulder.

Sticks to your belief. Don't give up something on the half way. If you want to achieve it, put all your effort on it. Don't find any excuse for yourself about this is so hard, this is too tire for me .. etc etc

Do more of what makes you happy. Ya, this is absolutely right. If you feel this thing is not what you want, forget it, throw it away as far as you can and just don't bother it.  What i mean is do it for yourself, and dun grievance urself for those who are not worth.

Always talk to someone when you feel depressed. Your family, friends, and others you think you can express your feelings to. Maintain a healthy body ? remember this is what mom always told you. Get some exercise, go to gym, go swimming, have bowling with friends. When you do all these, you will feel more happy and reduce the stress.

Don't be shy to talk to someone. Be brave. This is what you want for isn't?

Okay, i will stop here .
Always wish my family stay healthy and happy , Love ya