BYE! 2016

It's already the third week of 2017

I'm still mingle around to find out what to write 

And yet to say 

Back to school for the second week 

It's brings me nothing but stress life that start to appear in my head

It's a New Year 

Everyone wish to have some resolution ? 

People say that a new year brings new luck and anything 

Lot of wishes and bucket lists bear in mind in every single person

I think 2017 will become a great year to me, I wish 

I wish the year that I turned 21 brings me laugh and joy 

Don't mind that comes with some tears 

because sometimes people go ups and downs 

2016 was a shitty year for me 

It came with a lot of problems, make people depressed 

Maybe it means nothing to someone but 

I think i have had it enough, Yeah glad that is passed

Do you ever have this thought in your mind 

Like every decision you had made was wrong 

And you think about the attitude you have towards people 

Sometimes you asked yourself, am I worth of these 

When you went through it

All the things you ever hold up before turns shit 

This kind of process just keep repeating 

So there's the question 

You'll keep pretending nothing is happen

but deep down you can't deny it slowly changed 

But why ? 

Why this is happening 

I went through some mind breaking today 

Well, i'm gonna say that 

I not that good person nor perfect one 

There's a lot of problems and questions in me 

It was just so reconciled 

At that moments, i just want my mind to break down

I don't give a damn shit, ok 

I hate those voice and I hate those 'treat'

And I want to say Shut up 

The world is so cruel 

It makes you to face the truth and 

One day you just need to get up and keep going 

Put down all those unwilling things 

Try to be a stronger person ?

And the times come, you need to move on 

Well well well, this is the final/last mistake to me 

Promise to myself 

See the right things with your eyes 

Hear the right things with your ears 

Try to be more confident to myself ? 

Deal ? deal 

Hey Girl 

just want to shout it loud 

be better and more than it 

you can do it , CHEERS 

And so, HAPPY NEW YEARS 

Hug me august

Hey! still an odd opening for every time I start to write a post
So it is AUGUST already
Can't blame the times that slip out too fast
it's the matter that what we think about - we are out of times
Have I said that I'm starting a new semester right now ?
Uhmmm i guess nope . Yeah well, i am in year 2 sem 1 for now
This is not an easy job and easy things to deal with but
here I go, successfully passed all the subjects of last sem

Many seniors told that Sem 3 is a hard beginning
It's a new stage or step that I can call of
maybe we will touch or engage with kind of new/ weird things
But I just conclude it as a 'tough' Sem !
There's only two words i gave to myself - Be Ready

其实我觉得人与人之间都需要一点自己的空间
无论是多么要好的朋友
相处久了 摩擦一定会产生
而那只会导致越来越多的误会

I got a really bad tempered attitude sometimes
There's a big problems study in atchitecture - grouping
I can tell you the truth - your whole group assignments will screw
if you are so unlucky that grouping with some people
They are many types of sxxk person - lazy dude, later dude, invisible dude and most important
FOREIGNER

I feel blessed
maybe last semester my luck was totally suck
so this semester I got a normal team/ group
not to say any bad words about others
but sometimes I rather be grouping with my friend than my best friends
Argue will always happen when there's a group work
so it's more good to split it out

There's a thing here
------------------------------
I speechless for ard five minutes because I don't know how to write it out
my currently feeling and condition
One side is my best friend and the other side is the effectiveness
For me, I really want to group with other ppl that I never try
But I also considered that she need my support this time
I can;t just leave her there and enjoy my own
So, I really struggle - but it's okay
Everything is done and fine  I just need some times to get over - that's it !

uhhmm

Hey yo, it's really been a while
I never thought this blog was abandoned for almost three months
Three months can make things happens so differently in any ways



"When you’re the girl who is always there for others — you feel a lot.
You have depths within you, an ocean for a heart, and you keep falling
for people who are too scared to swim. You give and you give and you give; tearing pieces of your paper soul into the smallest of fragments just to set someone else a flame.



You hurt. My god, do you hurt.
You ache, wondering if someone will ever give you the love you so freely give to others,
wondering if there will come a time when someone asks how you are doing,
how you are coping, how you are healing.
And when that doesn’t happen, you heal yourself.
You find strength in things other than people.
You find energy in your solitude, you find hope in your daydreams.
You build yourself up, tell yourself that you don’t need anyone to save you,
that you don’t need anyone to steady your foundation. But you do.



See, sometimes the girl who is always there for everyone else, needs someone there for her.
Sometimes, the girl who smiles the biggest holds the biggest hurt.
Sometimes the girl who is always the person who wipes the tears of others,
goes home and cries lakes into the midnight hour.
Sometimes the girl who encourages everyone around her needs to be told that she is appreciated,
that she matters; sometimes she needs to be encouraged herself.
So, if you’re the girl who is always there for others, know that your heart is rare.



Know that you hold within you an ability to calm storms in people,
a beautiful gift that has relieved sore eyes and hurt minds.
Know that you give people hope,
that you inspire them by acknowledging the pieces of them most ignore,
that you make people feel wanted, that you make people feel like they have purpose.
However, also remind yourself that you are not invincible.
Your heart needs rest. You need rest.



Remind yourself that you do not need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders,
that you may not be able to save everyone, that you may not be able to heal every hurt.
Remind yourself that you deserve to take all of the energy you put out into the world and invest it back into yourself from time to time.
That you are worthy of the love you keep giving to everyone else.
Remind yourself, that you don’t always have to be strong,
that you don’t always have to be the fixer.
Remind yourself that you can be human,
that you can ask for help; that you don’t always have to be the one to save yourself

- B. Sparacino

I'm tired, just like for almost all the times 

wondering why this kind of shit happening
sometimes you told yourself not to mentioned or think too much or harder
but that doesn't really work you can't barely control what your deep inside feel of 
It may hurt, but it seems real 

Hello May

I'm the type of person who ramble a lot when i feel panic, and somethings different that shocked me

I do realize how things and circumstance have change
I'm stuck in between to be or let it to be
I go on and go on about my problems, until the strange feeling inside me die off
and I proceed to do what I was doing


I'm really blessed that there's a space for me to jot down all of my feeling, my experiences
and things I feel deep down, it makes me relief for a moment when
I get depressed all along those 'night'
nobody can tell if i'm crying, laughing, smiling, raging behind the screen while typing
I can fully express how I feel while saying what i want to


Feeling doesn't cheat or fake
If that's what you feel, it really do
I used to care a lot for the things that really didn't meant anything
even it is just a tiny problems ( maybe it's not 'used to' )
sometimes when you care, doesn't mean they care
sometimes even when you don't care, they just don't give a fuck


I feel myself like a fool, being immature in handle things
' No matter how hard things may seem, there's always something good coming around the corner'
That is it. for the very last time ( for myself )
stop caring for the people that don't deserved
stop let them make your day down
you gonna live all by yourself because
what had happen is depend on how you react to it
Things will really get complicated, but things will get better


Here comes the new month of 2016, hello May
I wish it will be better than the previous
I wish I'll be a better person
I wish I could learn something in this month
and final wish is I hope all the people that I care stay healthy and happy always

Nonsense

Do.you ever feel those kind of nonsense things when you just don't want to get it
Its quite annoying and yet
You can't barely avoid it

Life is tough ,  it never been so easy though
Days after days,  tick tok tick tok
It's March,  already
Do things really change so easily?
That kind of easy that make some kind of relationship from the best ass to suck ass.

All I want to say is - fuxk off bad ass

I got a call
I heard something
And I start to think, do I really need to do this?
I'm not that person who give a fuxk to what I hate
I think this is my true personality that reflected in life
but there's is always another side that hidden inside - to tell you what you should/ have to  do

And this made my day suckks
My mood was gone
I'm struggling all over in my head
That is no win or lose , true or false

Hate is hate , like is like
No judge, no talk , no gossip,  be true
That's what I need or what I will do?

I hope I won't lost myself
I hope I won't be that person who follow what people think you should behave
I hope I insist my choice
I hope someone who really know me well
I hope I can be what I want to be
I hope I can do what I want to (although I really know that are not a best solution)

任性一会 又能怎样
如果生活不用考虑种种前因后果
那该有多好
想说就说 想骂就骂
不用那么幸苦 委屈自己
那多好 多好。

birthday month plus trip month

I was going to post this right after my birthday celebration that night
though it was far far far far for already one month late
but I still get up from bed and finally have the times and mood to update my blog


Basically, I'm officially 20th
Yeapppp, 20th bitch had arrived this year
Have to say I'm feeling older but more appreciate that start to step in the '2x' year


I think this is the first year I didn't celebrate with my family
got so many ' coursework' to do in tat shitty uni but am really enjoy this
okayy, I am really so contradicting

Actually, I was not expecting so much more than what they had done
It was a failure surprise but yet it really touched me
thank for my shabai group, they really worked hard and planned well
no one to blame but me - am too super sensitive when the date is coming
Big big kiss to my weiwei xiao jie that planned everything and bring me to eat 'good food'


For my best ever jimui shabi feimui , thank you !
thank you for purposely coming down to just watch my face and offer a meal
I'm lucky enough to meet you and to know you
although you always act like a shitty bitch, but you also act like a sistar-listener every time
thanks you for always appear immediately when i need someone beside or someone to talk to


soooo that's my memorable birthday day in this year


So on, i am still a busy student who always rushing assignment without limit
time was flying - I always hate time that because it never seems enough for me
and yet, skip the chinese new year part
I went back to school on 'chu five'

start to prepare everything that needed before going to sekeping serendah trip
The difference between being a student and being a leader student is big
I never want to be responsible to some thing and some people since after primary school
But incident always happen larh

like I became one of the group leader in this trip
and what we know were- there were so many things to prepare and also
be on time , be responsible to lecturer and classmates- carry on

At the end, this was not bad
I feelllll so , maybe ?
This three days two nights trip was exhausting , fascinating, tiring, and existing
most important parts was- we get to know more about our lecturers
all those midnight chit chat girls talk, ghost talk, was amazing
pretty tiring when you got to finish your drawing for the next morning presentation
when lecturers - they are sitting there , seeing us and talking with us


The trip are cool, lecturers are cool
just the accident was not cool at all
we hit a car crash on our way back to uni after a lunch
four cars bang together
and imagine how terrible it was
my heart at that time beat like helll
can't imagine if anyone get hurt or whatt

Feeling of guilty never stop till now
but feel blessed that my mum is okay with this
and others were safe- really



friends are more like a chain that will link you
with happiness , with sadness, with anger and with comfort
The more you been together, the more you know each other
sometimes quarrel happens, sometimes you just hate this
I duno, but it seems problems never stop when it appear
just tired and fatigued
have no ideas and not going to involve in such things again
maybe I just have to used to it
and time always a healer - it heal everything in the end


love ya , xx
super hungry right now
i wan sleep

Hate is love whatever oh

Everything is fine.  People is fine,  things are fine,  just me was  not me again

Recently I realised how important money is
Oh, you can't get what you need without money
You can't buy what you should have
You can't think of something that might be  your favourite one?

I got my salary on last day of two thousand zero five
Maybe some one will have an image of me like
I'm the one who don't even care and use it without hesitation 
but I do admit, sometimes I am
But I had try to learn, to control my limit as I'm studying at kl
It is a temptaness for me

And I got to know
How hard and tire to work 24/7 to get these salary in a month
Barely wanna die right , huhhhhh

Since you can't get what you want, and why you don't push it harder

Now I am, started my semester two and here I am
Busy preparing everything for my assignment every night or midnight
Life is so so so like every seconds you got to live it with ur heartbeat that is beating fascinating until the end of it

Boom away all the unhappiness
Swap away all the sadness
Curved out all the tiredness
Plug in all the craziness

I cried today
When I'm ready for my damn first time presentation
Uhhuhhh. You know that
Tears drop over again when the pain just came soooo suddenly
Fuvk offff. Cheers
I hate it
nothing to blame but am gonna leave this alone
Maybe some day it will stop these crazy acting
And I'm waiting for this day
Ohnana

And I got to say
Eveytimes I cried and I got my mum in my head
and so did dad
this is weird famIly bonding
I miss you dad, do you?
May God bless us each day
when we wake up from bed

Love ya. Xxx

2016

Time has been flying by unconsciously from the beginning of the year.
from now on, 2015 was a past
Actually , this post had been in the draft for almost three days
I wrote down some part and delete some and put it in draft and drag out rewrite again
And I always think of it - when will I post this on my blog ? No idea

So I got a mood for today  , to sit down and open my laptop
trying to convert my thought and feelings into words and sentences
becuz i guess today is the perfect day that better than any day

In 2015, I learnt a lot
It was just like the other years, I loved and I lost, I cried and I laughed
I knew I'd been writing too many emotional post in this year
But I'm glad I wrote it down (anyway past is the past )
I still have a lot to learn in being a better friend, family or a crew
I get my result during mine working time and that was the first time I thought that
I wont't have any regret for the decision I had made in my education
That was a pretty fresh memory
I learnt that having a plan is better and more convenient in your daily life
I learnt that sometimes you just have to let go, if it is meant to be, it will always be
I learnt that sometimes people change, to be good or bad
I learnt to enjoy everything in the moment whether it is worth or not

In 2015, I had met a lot of new people, built new relationships
And stayed close with the existing ones
Feel so thankful for those who never left
I'm also glad for those who came into my life
Thank you for making 2015 a memorable and sweet year for me
I celebrated end of 2015 and beginning of 2016 with my bunch of shabai friends
although some were not able to came over, but our hearts will never separate apart
Love you all !


There are two things I need to recall in 2015
- get a 12 hours work per day in December ( BBW Book Fair )
That was the biggest step I'd move
we worked in the Mines mega mall And I stayed in my friend's house
Good experience in my life
although suffer all along the weeks but it was fun and cheerful during the times
Get to met so many people from different places and different university
They taught me a lot , like really a lot HAHA


And the second was ( Big brother's wedding )
It was the very first wedding  in our family
My cousin finally get to marry his lovely wife
So many things to prepare and so many things to learn
----------------------------------------------------------------

Just flip on , Here I wish
everyone a prosperous and healthy 2016
May all of your dream come true
Lots of love 💕💕💕
love ya, xxx

Hi november

To all my fellow classmates, Happy happy happy Holiday guys !!! Like finally, it's our sem break 

I just feeeeeel so happy that we been through all these ( six months ) four months together. 

Blessed to meet all of them in my life 

I always hope degree year will be a more particular life, but i never aspects it will so much different

It is so much different that you need to burn your midnight oil everyday 

It is so much different that you do you dont have to bring any paper works while attend class

It is so much different that you get used to it for just having few hours sleeping times in a week

It is so much different that you use a cutter more than a pen 

其实我真的很害怕以后有一天会后悔自己所选择的决定

我知道自己就是死脑筋 决定好的事情就说一不二

我不知道曾几何时就有这个念头 这种感觉来的太突然 

还记得小学的志愿是当个会计师 当模特儿 当空姐 

上了中学就想说当个服装设计师吧 画家啊 或者音乐家

可是最后我选择了建筑策划师

很多人都对我说这一科不容易读 而且时间也久

不知某年某日你才真正当一名xxx 

可我已经选择往这条路走下去  那当然不会再往回倒

My mum always remind me dun forget to be confident 

It is a power/energy that keep you continue to walk 

but things dun always stay to be good 

that was some times you will lose confident to yourself 

you will scare you cant pass your final exam at the end 

you will scare your project will reject by lecturer

you will scare that you will let your mum down. 

I know is normal that people feel confused sometimes 

like we will afraid things will fall down apart that really hurt you badly

谁没有害怕过？ 谁没有迷失过 

就像当你认为你已经付出了100 巴仙的努力 可是结果却让你大受打击 

那种感受并不好受 

可哭的当时你又得告诉自己 哭过后又得继续努力 继续奋斗 这样才不会被打败 

那时候你就会觉得  对啊  这就是现实啊 没有所谓的踏步青云 

还记得那时候赶着final 的internal review 

我把我手指头的一片肉差不多就要割下来了 血都流了满地

朋友问我 伤口那么深 不痛吗 你都没哭呢  

那真是他妈的痛啊 我也想哭啊  眼泪都在眼眶里打搅着

可我知道这不是家里啊  这里没妈妈没姐姐帮你  凡事都得靠自己

还是把那所谓的眼泪收收吧 你还得继续赶final

其实那时候真的想狠狠的哭一场 躲进棉被里好好睡一觉啊

如果说在学业上有那么一点点的小打击 

但我可以说在生活上有大大的惊喜与激动 

上了degree 让我接触了很多不一样的东西 

不一样的人和事  不一样的沟通和学习 

自认自己以前是个宅女 

不出门 不交际 只呆家 只打机 只看小说 只依赖家人 

我觉得这是一种成长 就好比如你一直拒绝任何事（大多数）到慢慢的尝试接受

foundation life was like a quiet period that i'd been through

i was like a good student that on time eat, sleep , and study

never had a thought to go outside never wanted to participate any activities

never wanted to touch any things that I thought i had no interest on 

I think maybe we are in a right timing and in a right place 

to meet someone that are meant to be appear in our life

It's not that foundation year was not that good 

maybe because I had been through that year 

the year that let me scent that this year is more brilliant than the last

people always need to live more good and good than before

more step forward to the precious one in their life. 

and then you will realize that life izint how big you had see it

life is more and more 

 I know sometimes people see it in their own way 

and people meant it in so much different way

because different people have different perception

we dun aspect people to see it in our way

we just need to share it ( sharing mean caring )

Just want to officially say a goodbye to my pet - kiki 

He passed away at end of September

I didnt had the chance to say goodbye and rip to him 

I was not by his side when he was so ill and sick 

I miss him a lot 

and I cried badly when I heard from mum that he gone that day 

He is not the first hamster that i got but he is the most precious one in my heart

I like white , things or living things that have white colour I love it with no reason 

He was so adorable and sweet that make people wanna tresure and love him with full of heart

We been together for almost two years 

Never regret to have you in my life ( secretly bought him when parents opposed me to have a pet )

So im gonna stop here ----- again  

got to fetch my sister back melaka tomorrow morning

gonna go sleep  sweet dream

love ya  xxx

Diary : 11/9

How y'all doing ?
Erg ...... Ugh...... owhhhhhhh
Okayyyyyy, just some times to warm up
before really writing any nonsense words here
I just noticed there are so many drafts that I'd in my blog
some with meaning and some - meaningless


when you try to write somethings, it takes time
what you gonna to say , you write it down
and then you delete and retype and delete and retype...
that's what im doing right now
I always got so many things to tell
I feel like I need to tell someone what i'm thinking, what i'm feeling ?
I was like: maybe i should tell them/him/her
Why shouldn't I ?
and when the time that I wanna split it out
and I was like :::  SHit ... why am i suppose to tell others about my feeling ?
I rather be keeping it inside than spoke to someone - even the closest


Well , I spoke to her sometimes. or (often)
I feel secure when beside her and the most important thing is
I feel warm and happiness
It's just too normal to be with her
spending times with someone you really trust or love or like
just likes spending the whole entire times within
and you doesn't care how's the times going


So, I want to blog about my August since it is Sep now
I stumbled across my old pictures
There are full with memories and joyful
I could see my smiling face all over the pictures
 i was shocked and i was like:
How could you possible act like this, smile like this and pass through these days like this

I got a bunch of lovely classmates
they come from different places but all full with one desperate heart
It feels really amazing how we are going through with a same path
and how lucky we are to meet each others
i called these as fate

No matter how hard things gonna be
erm, just keep doing  what you do
I oweys think shitty things when im doing nothing
It's a bad habit
but this is who i am right ?
there is no hundred percent people in this world
so why cant you be proud of what you are ?
These things make what you really are
your own personality
Hundred percent original


Kekekekekekeke
Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I'm talking (typing) too much
wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
i gone through shitty things these daysssssssssssss
but i guess dah over
Those shiiiiityyyy things make you more tougher than before
more stronger? Hmm
I miss my mum
so suddenly \
and i guess she miss me more than that
I'm home
it feels really good



love ya
xxx

2015/8/12

Gosh.... see the clock on the table and i was like
I still can't sleep .
the clock is ticking , and so am I
they are sleeping soundly , and so am I sitting here writing my blog

I do feel fear sometimes
when it came around over the midnight
likes it popping and beating in your minOd
reminding you  some things that you never want to recall agn

I got my time twisted
work at night and sleep at morning
My time was full with assignment , model, and drawing
It's pretty sure what i'm enjoying what i'm doing
but sometimes, i'm still doubting whether
am I choosing the right path

Am I suppose to be here
for anything that happen now
Im doubting, questioning and scared
sometimes.

That feeling just like a flash light
It appears at a moment and it disappear very soon

People need to be strong, tough enough
That's what im thinking all the time
think and Do is a different things
It's easy to think and it's hard to perceive

Don't ever beat by the failure
be tough enough to stand up and said
I'm still fine, I'm still ok to keep going

so awkward to be so encouraging haha
I think is time for the bed time.

see ya,
xxx

其实知道自己很久没用华语打字
突然间写回，莫名有点怪怪的感觉

今天纯粹上来发泄
太多废话想说 可是无从下手

开课已经一个月了
从无发适应到渐渐习惯是一种可怕的事情
当你认为自己没法做到的时候
时间帮你证明了一切

每一天的熬夜
都在redoredoredo
每一天的赶夜车
都能感觉到一点点的进步

与人相处是需要耐性和忍让
我不知dao
我只知道 能认识是一种缘分
我遇见你，便投缘，虽然相处时间不长
但那种感觉实实在在
喜欢就喜欢 不喜欢便罢

合不来 不强求
你不爽我 你不喜欢我
干我什么事
我没有太多宇宙时间去理你

人说变就变
真的让人觉得恐怖
没有想过的结果能让人措手不及
怪自己 不乖别人

nima 真的觉得好恶心
受不了了 虚伪的你
滚远点吧 孩子

Diary 15/7

It's been few days I didn't get a proper sleep since my class started
YUP, i'm already in degree, sem 1
I always expect these kind of days come faster becuz im gonna rot in ma own home


July is my favorite month this year.
I duno the reason, but it's just the feeling that I am so fascinating on it
A proper month and a proper things to do

I haven finish my assignment yet
There are so many things to work on
Drawing painting sketching drafting anywhere
kind of my stuff i used to do ,but no doubt
It's so fcking tire and stressing

I mean, It is just the first semester im taking
and how quick we get in the process so much faster than others
seniors advises -- all you got to do is
Drawing-- Redo --- drawing -- redo -- eat-- drawing
barely have the time to sleep

I feel so blessing
As I know, lecturers are not going to give us any tips ( not the exam)
Just the projects that they had told
how the instruction that need to follow, but is not kinda of that flow
There're just rotating from this angle to that angle
you need to be creative , Man

So, seniors always the best
they give us advise, bring us on
lead us to the way that it should be

trying to imagine that drawing four things with different techniques
choose one things that you mostly wanted
learn the element and principles in it and convey them to others object/things that got these
It it just toooooo heavy


still trying to adapt the new environment in here
everything is fine here
clean, beauty, quiet place that i'm staying
there is a serious problem in north wing --
less food stall and shop around the corner
you need to walk so much further to get those 'food'



I'm still in love with this course
although there are so many people complain about it
how hard it should be , how pressure it should be
but what i'm thinking is
gotta enjoy your years and stay and works and
those achievements are just gonna make you feel so satisfy
life is so short--------------- enjoys it while you still can

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Like I always said, times flies.
It just been 13 years since my dad passed away
so many things to say, so many things to do
and turn out to how much i miss him


My dad left me when i was six
imagine that time of me , I probably dunno what had happened to my dad
what i knew was, he slept deeply  and wont wake up again
In my memory, my dad was very tall he had a wide shoulder
who always carry us on it when he is back from work
He got a bit serious but oweys showed the other ways of love to us


I never had a chance to say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
when we was young, my grandma call us to write a letter and burnt it
she said your dad in the other side will receive it
look how young we were, and how naive we were


I doesn't dream about my dad often
my sister was.
i know is becuz im still too young to remember and review all those memories
there are just bits and piece came to my mind
we got many photos , about my dad
our family and the most profound is he hold me and my cousins in hand
with a greatly pleasure and lovable smile.
how sweet is it


with special love to my dad , all i want to say is
Hey dad, im your little daughter , i miss you
I'm not a kid anymore, I'd grew out to be a lass
there is still two years for me to be an adult
but no matter how old i'd become , i'm still your lovely daughter
just like you'd told me
I'm good, we are good .... mum , sister and me

somehow in some midnight, memories oweys pop up unconsciously
I'm emotionally attached  to those circumstance that recall you
It‘s hard to restraint when you know someone had left you forever
you never got a chance to see him , touch him, or feel him again
bu i always talk to myself. yeah, it's okay
after cried, everything will be fine because I still got mum and sis beside me
I missed those times that get to call you dad
It felt weird when you get to know people had a complete family but you don't
you need to act normal , pretend that's fine .
but i had let it down, becuz times is the best cure


In life i loved you dearly,
In death i love you still
In my heart you hold a place
no one else can fill

Thinking of you, today and everyday
your lovely daughter
xxx

Dairy 13-6

It's 6pm already. I need to finish this before going out having dinner with family again.
So, I have to tell that mine June holiday was/is really suck. At all
Like, really suck it, oh gosh!
You know, I've planned all these things and they normally don't go the way you think
I get hives in the very first day of June with my period
they came together and totally freak me off
I rather have pain than the itchy feeling but the worst is they both just exist
count for today, it's ald 13 days.
I know it sounds crazy but yeah, a person (me) get hives for almost two weeks
My family keep saying that : Are you an abnormal people? bcuz you look like soo weak
I have no idea .
New scars are everywhere on my body   *sigh*
My face looks pale But it's disappointed that I din slim down

Girls always want to get as skinny as they can 

Hahaha 

HMm, i heard someone  talked about how distance kills a  relationship 

They said timing is crucial, is that real or what 

Things often get messed up, time gets messed up.

You meet someone and you both are good together 

Someone comes along but This someone is never meant for you, like never meant to be with you

Its totally falls to fate and destiny 

Well, this is definitely what I'm thinking only 

Whether is true or not,  there is no offense 

I know a couple, they have been together for almost seven years 

But it ends up as break up 

The girl met another guy and they are going to step into marriage 

Like hey, although they been tgt for so long but he is not her true love?  I guess 

You really like him or her, but you know you both will never be together 

It doesn't mean that you don't like him or her 

it doesn't mean that the  love between you two is not strong enough to break through obstacle 

Hmm, it just doesn't work This way 

I know I'm probably too young to say all about this 

I'm still confuse 

I just wish I'm Lucky enough to share about the love of my life one day 

Random again

I'm startIng to  find out that everytime I touch my blog, it's always gonna lead to bad mood + memories. 

I dunno Why, Maybe When you feeling freaking pass out or Moody, here always the best place  for you to write out what you really want to say. 

My baebe hamster passed away few days ago
I know the time will come But I din expected it comes so fast.  She lived with us for almost two years and a half.  I feel sad and sorry and the things I could do was buried her and said Rip.
She was so sweet that bring us the happiness .
She was so small that make us wanted to hug her forever in arm.
She was so weak after and struggled all these week.
She was a sweet angel and Still counting for me

the world is Still rotating but people change.
since When we dun talk to  each other
Since When we dun chat to each other
And since when we dun contact each other
I feel the distance and yeah.
These thing always happen

Today, chewan and me went for swimming
She want me to teach her how to swim and I
Not completely really know-how to *shy*
It's been so long after pmr.
Finally I back to swimming life again.
Gonna take care of my skin carefully becuz I dunwan back to the black skin of me again
It's so funny When I am in black skin
Totally loom like a smuft.

Love ya,  xx

oh so random

Hello guys, finally it is first of may already .
I just thought that I can't even manage to catch the tail of time again
there just flew away so much faster than i thought

actually i dun really know what to write but kinda has a feeling to update my blog
because i had nothing to do at home , except playing my online game
and it is not good for me becuz my mum always purposely dont like it
i should read all my novel that i bought last week and pay fully concentration on my 'weight lost'
been confuse by my cousin and now im totally indulge in the game
they all know i'm the one with 'half boiled heat'
after one week later and count for today, I had no mood to continue playing again


I know i should restraint myself or otherwise these whole holidays will be a waste.


Talk about April holidays, we have two days trip in melaka
well , although it's not what we planned before but Yeah
I had a great trip , feel totally crazy again
got back the feeling that already lost after high school graduation
just so much thankiu for the boys that willing to accompanied us all the days

was just wanted to post pictures but suddenly crap and broken . ' what a waste'


before I write this post, I read again and again other blogger's post
and i feel like , wow
there are so less people who is still continue their blogging life.
especially those high school friends


Miss all the moments that we jot down the things that had happen and those memories
and seriously I really dun wan to grow up .
I want to be a kid always , free from anything
Free from pressure
free from argue
free from hypocritical
free from upset
free from time ( always think time is not enough )


I know i should think more positive
but i just feel there is so much different compare to where we from


I was happy all whole day, i get up early jogging with mum
take a shower and rush for work.
patiently treat and teach all the kids
back to home to take a nap
at night, i was totally different from morning
i was grumpy , i was negative
and i think too much that is just not so good at all
i feel helpless and nothing can i do


I am weird . hate it 99
I don't know.
But then again, I would question myself how much effort have I really put ?
Don't think too much and treat the world like there is always a hope for you

this moment

Ain't nobody know you so deep that you know yourself.
Sometimes people always tell others like : ‘ Hey, I know this guy very well'
Is it really true?
Maybe you know how he/she the way he/she do, know he/she daily life action
but deep down their heart, there is always a private space for themselves
I guess is true.

I always hope a friendship will long lasting forever, like fo-ever
Nothing can beat this friendship , like there's a strong bonding between


I never meant to make more friends as others cuz i'm an introvert person
I barely could just sit aside and watch guys talk themselves
I don't mind to be ignore , and actually I enjoy it
Sometimes people talk to me , ' You look totally different when truly know you' blablabla
This kind of words actually exhilarate me , totally .. Ha

When i care something, I really care about it
I'll do what is the best for it becuz I enjoy doing it
I appreciate everything that happen between this relationship and never meant to lost it

Kinda of days like, i'm in my own excitement
this really happens and i feel im the one who care too much
and me, myself feel vexed all these times
am i too over reacted or did i think too much
no ideas at all
im sick of it

everyone is different
do not expect others to think what you are thinking
maybe the things you treat it like precious is the one that people dont even give a shit
you treasure this friendship  you think you are one of it and
sometimes you dont even know that there are no space for you already
they have their own circle own social circle own friendship circle
dont expect too much  it hurts you really bad when you fall deeply down
becuz it's just don't work that way


'You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everone has the same heart as you'

expectation kill everything  that's right
this is how i feel right now . i duno what will i feel the next morning but this moment
i feel bad, really really bad.
is time to go bed , goodnight
love ya, xx

Say hello to my holiday

Say Hi again..  I'm finally back from my busy uni life and homework + exam.

So Today, I'd finish my final exam and starting my holidays ~~~ been busy packing all the stuff and clothes into my luggage because I ammmm gonna move out from my hostel.
It's been a year, If I say that not gonna miss here - This is all just a lie, Haha.  I miss all those things that happened here, people I met, days we been through, and how we talk east talk west about everything. There're all just so sweet and memorable.

I'm Still bother about where should I stay When I move to north wings.  *sigh*
Apparently, I want to live outside becuz it's more free and more cheap than hostel ever again. No lie ** But in the other side, I struggle a lot and I feel like Maybe hostel is more suitable for me?  No idea
My mum is the one who completely dislike, reject, and donwan me to stay outside.  Too many reasons that make me feel like
* Maybe I shouldn't stay outside ,should stay in hostel *  am completely compelled

I want to make my own choice, you know. Those kind of things.  When you make a decision, sure that you hope your closely  one will stand by your side and gib you any advice you need .

These things just not gonna happen on me ..

I know my family just worry about me , they want me to be safe, stay away from dangerous.
But i just cant stop thinking that, why wont you just let me try for one time? Maybe that will be fine, everything is just be alright  . No robbery, no rappers, no pick pocket . I'll make sure to keep myself safe

Anyway, yeah ! Everything will be OK
Mum always the best, mum always correct  haha
She gb the best thing for me . Not for own sake

And how's my life going , i think there was something came up without my consciousness.
It's been a messy and busy month.
No phone, no call, no text , just photo !

2015 first post

So,  I had change my background of my blog yesterday?  I guess.  Make it simple and clean.
Since When my favourite colour had changed from purple pink to white and black?  I had no idea.
But, red is the one that attract me the most. No doubt

Erm,  I just want to say that, I'm officially nineteen.
Clap clap for Myself,  big girl already. As normal, am not very excited for my birthday that day But I get some surprise from my friends. Touched and touched.  Feeling blessed that having such gang of friends with you guys and importantly, My family!
I got a big Beauty cake from mama. And some painting equipment from sister.  ~~~~ words can't described how I felt.

Had one week  holiday becuz of Chinese new year, did not enjoy it very well.  Lol.
Got midterm exam When back from home and now I am burning midnight oil to finish all those  subjects.  And ya,  This is my last semester of foundation and I got two months holidays. So we already start planning where we want to go, what place are better and which one is more interesting.  Hope I got a memorable days with my friends before we separate apart.! 

In 2015, I think I got many things to do.  Seriously
When you are getting older, you'll become mature and you want more and more.  So I am
Not going to chase those comic / novels again because you need to blow your mind and study all those words that irritating you.  Actually I don't like history nor psychology and even oral communication.  They just, not interesting at all.
I'm really feel grateful to my bro that always cheer me up and send those gambateh words that write from his friends, haha. It look stupid but quiet touched

Am keep remember that my relative always ask me whether I got a boyfriend ald or not?  The answer is : Noooo. Hahahaa.
Well, the things I want to say is,, I Still haven meet someone that very attract me a lot? Cuz I'm very picky in This stuff????  Okay, no answer and dunwan to know.  Friends are all getting in relationship and they're just gonna ask you:  eh ting, Still didn't have boyfriend yet?  So old le loh
I just feel.  ...... and really duno how to say, hahaha
I know When it is time,  it will come . No need so harsh and im just gonna enjoy This moment,  single time anyway.

Totally want to slim all the day and my mind is bursting. Am i a optimiatic or pessimistic?

Ps:  During sembreak,  I want to find a job and experience what is the feeling of being working with outsiders.  Blush blush, I totally lazy to But everyone need to try new things not?  Convince myself ing lol.  Byeeee. Love ya